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Topic: GPRO News Site |
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#61 posted May 12th 2021, 23:29:46
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Quote ( Ricardo Antunes @ May 10th 2021,09:46:49 ) Managers ask for "Other" option in gender, admins are badass and say NO, putting an "Unknown" option. Everyone roars and is mad at the same time, conflicted temperament which will only mean that someone in the future is going to make an angry thread stating how this new option is offensive.
I just checked and it says unspecified as the third option. Very different to 'unknown'. It means not stated rather than not known. :-)
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#62 posted May 16th 2021, 21:36:19
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Quote ( Keri Lovell @ May 12th 2021,23:29:46 ) I just checked and it says unspecified as the third option. Very different to 'unknown'. It means not stated rather than not known. :-)
It originally said "unknown" :)
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#63 posted May 17th 2021, 09:45:02
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Last week in GPRO:
- GPRO Admins think they are really clever and try to discredit the GPRO News Site by changing things in the game so that the news articles are not accurate. But we know better!
- The Oscars are back, and everyone is surprised Cameron hasn't nominated Bradley Preen for HoF yet. Witnesses report: "It's calm here... too calm...". An analysis on the potential causes and consequences is going to be made in this article
- People finally start congratulating Joachim Rang for his 2nd title despite him having secured it 15 races ago. Nobody really wanted to risk an epic fail or a jynx, so they went with the safer, boring option: waiting.
They think they are smart, eh? Last week the GPRO News Site reported that the admins had added a new feature into the game related to gender, but seconds after that article was released, they changed it from Unknown to Unspecified which obviously caused backlash with rumours that "The guy writing those articles must be smoking something" or "These news aren't trust-worthy, BAN THE TOPIC!". GPRO Crew laughs in their bunker, knowing what they did and they are yet to set out a public apology to the most reputable news source in GPRO. Everyone is angry!
After another season of many many many feelings and events, we are finally going back to the GPRO Oscars. So far not many nominations have been placed, but that is sure to change in the near future. However, who hasn't made a nomination yet was Cameron Halsall, known for nominating Bradley Preen for the HoF, and so everyone is worried that he could be "sick, in danger, or even worse, sane!", altough witnesses reveal that the latter option is highly unlikely. Bradley Preen was inquired about the situation, responding: "No, I am not a DA, stop asking me."
Finally Joachim Rang has been crowned champion by mathematic, and what a celebration that was! People populate the "Congratulations Joachim Rang" thread again, congratulating him to what has to have been the easiest Elite title ever. Rookie - 161 was more competitive than that. Either way, we now wait for the official RolandCompliment which should come with his new software upgrade next season.
In other news:
- Randoms are getting beyond a joke, and starting to be real! People keep complaining about them- wait... oh. Apparently we are talking about how... "momma dont allow no punctuation here"... well. That is certainly a special momma. Everyone is weirded out, and slowly clicks the button that says: Back to Office, except 95% of the people who haven't realized yet that such button exists.
- THE ROAST A MANAGER THREAD IS BACK!!! Oh wait, it's gone already, only one post made and nobody even bothered to reply. Phew, that one was close....
- Weather gets wild and crazy and ready to party with moves like: Stop raining in 1 lap, Start raining with 1 lap to go, rain for 1 lap only, get jebaited with rain stoppage, we are actually having rain again and it might say 100% rain probability in there but screw you no rain.
No, the GPRO News Site is not moving to Monday. So stop moaning about it! Either way, for more news on how Vladmin is laughing at our misery, stay tuned for next week!
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#64 posted May 23rd 2021, 13:05:52
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Last week in GPRO:
- Manager decides to abuse the holiday system to prove that people are abusing the holiday system. Turns out nobody actually does that besides him and he just made himself a fool, but hey, he tried.
- Managers around the world agree: Roland Postle is a cheat. The popular english manager is being charged with hacking the GPRO servers, bribing the GPRO FIA, enslaving several personal drivers so that he always has a good one, and many other serious accusations which won't see him drop down from Elite because he will be staying there forever.
- The season reset came again, and to celebrate our 1 season anniversary, GPRO Administrator Stefan Voggenreither decided to impose a 15 minute period of downtime in the servers in honour of this incredible news source, by pressing his shiny big red button.
Incredible scenes at the Suggestions Forum as Mike Bennett came with a suggestion that holidays should be target of serious scrutiny after claiming there was a major conspiracy going on where people gave their accounts to better managers in order to win races. He then provided irrefutable evidence that typing the word "holiday" meant that you would be part of this genius scheme without any doubt. When hope seems to have been lost for his case, a miracle came from the heavens, and showed Mike Bennett gloating himself for bringing a struggling teammate to glory. And that was all evidence he needed, since he had done it, it surely meant everyone had done it as well! Incredible evidence! An anonymous witness stated that: "W- what?... B- but... what?...". They were clearly as confused as everyone else, except Mike who was busy celebrating his victory.
Roland Postle has been accused of several crimes including "speaking binary on a non-binary thread", "hacking the GPRO servers", "bribing the GPRO FIA", "blackmailing several good drivers to keep them forever" and also "going into the future and stealing super sonic cars". He has been deemed a cheat, and the according thread clearly shows the amount of irregularities that he has been presenting over the past few seasons, and with no signs of being busted.
Absolutely chaotic season reset meant that everyone was wondering: why did the servers crash on us before the season reset? In a special interview to the GPRO News Site, GPRO Administrator Stefan Voggenreither explained that: "This was a tribute to the GPRO News Site, which has today their 1-year anniversary in GPRO time, and so we wanted to express our grattitude by shutting down everything. I'm sure everyone appreciated the gesture.". We at the GPRO News Site HQ are flattered by this, and would like to thank everyone for the incredible journey that we have been going through so far!
In other news:
- GPRO Oscars are back at it again, this time with 75% less nominations, in which we have only 4 nominees for the HoF! Who will take the prized award, if it isn't Ricardo Antunes the GPRO News Site will return next week to report how the Oscars were rigged!
- We are back with another thread of the covid vaccine, and if one wasn't enough to keep the spirits high, a second on- wait, it went well this time? Oh. Well it seems like this time it DID go well, so congratulations to everyone for not having screwed it up!
- We are finally seeing backlash for having a dirty side in the track, following our interview with Roland Postle a few weeks ago. It seems that managers were just waiting for the end of the season to complain and urge the removal of such feature, which led the Admins to add a feature where you can get blind in dusty zones and therefore have a DM in every corner!
We are back for another season of news, and I'm sure you will love all the randoms we will have this season! For more tips on how to cook food with your melting tyres, stay tuned until next week!
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#65 posted May 30th 2021, 20:16:59
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Last week in GPRO:
- The Oscars returned, and oh boy do we have much to talk about. In this news article we will cover the brazilian takeover, the Portuguese uprise and the Oscars corruption. And with us will be a very special, and as usual, anonymous guest!
- Everyone apparently decided to change teams in the last week, making it an absolutely crazy start of the season with Nuvolari and Malati entering an absolute player meltdown, while in the meantime Jaguar took the time to slightly increase their already high average player's age.
- People want to make Badyears... more expensive? According to an extensive research, "as liong as the number is funny, nobody would pick them anyways for serious reasons, so we might as well give them some use." Reports say that next season will feature a new tyre with 1 bar in every attribute, optimal weather of 100º, and a cost of $69.696.969, making it one of the most expected tyres in the game, and ready to be taken by many Elites.
Finally we had the Oscars after an exciting season (except in Elite) where we had interesting results, with some managers not being... very happy. The Brazilian Claudio Laguna took Twig's guitar from his hands and smashed it into the ground with the award for Most Overacheiving Manager, irritating an English manager, while Rimantas Sagatas was elected Most Underacheiving Manager, irritating... another English manager. Meanwhile the GPRO Podcast won over the GPRO News Site for best thread, decision which our anonymous expert already deemed as "ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous, proposterous! Why are they better? Because they have a jingle??? We can make a jingle too, it's not that hard!". And portuguese manager Ricardo Antunes won the Hall of Fame award, which we will point out with great empashis here altough he is absolutely NOT related with the News Site at all, but our expert deemed this award as "completely fair, should have been 15 seasons ago.".
Well, team frenzy always comes at the beggining of the season, and this time Nuvolari and Malati took that to word, enslaving 3 managers who were just passing by, and making them work for The Man in their teams. At the same time, Jaguar took the time to do a quieter, older move, which will follow their books of never ever having anyone under 25 years old joining their team (probably to keep Ricardo out of bay). Amazing signings from everyone, but we all know who did the best in the manager market.
People have spoken: GIVE US FUNNY NUMBERS! In a recent poll to decide Badyear's new price, experts came to the conclusion that it doesn't matter what the price is, as long as it is a funny number, people will like it. Admins have taken this suggestion seriously and are now changing every price and setting a random number generator to decide what will be the tyres's price that season: that's right, tyres will have different prices every season, a change that surely everyone loves and nobody will be mad about! On top of that, we will have a new useless tyre next season, but with a price so funny that it is almost worth it to ruin your finances to get them.
In other news:
- Daniel Ricciardo apparently plays GPRO after having mentioned noob team Nuvolari in an official Formula 1 video. Managers are already trying to find his account, but so far only Brazilian, Hungarian and Indian Daniel Ricciardos were found. Everyone is still on the lookout.
- Irish managers thinks he is playing Football Manager or whatever and tries to fast foward the calendar to the World Cup. Unfortunately he failed miserably and instead only got a... oh, hold on, we are getting reports that no reaction was had. Wow that was really a weak moment then.
- VAR was introduced at Amateur - 21 as Spanish driver Juan Sanchez firstly managed to defend his position running to the finish line resulting in a 7th place, but after VAR analysis the stewards decided that the other car actually overtook him in the finish line, demoting him to 8th place. People are rioting but the GPRO FIA says there is nothing they can do so "man up"
And here you thought there would be no news today! Well you were fooled, however, we do have a new theme song! Check it out here --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
If you want more ways to get Rickrolled, stay tuned until next week!
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#66 posted May 30th 2021, 20:39:11
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Last week in GPRO:
- The screaming bonanza continues, in A THREAD THAT SCREAMS EVERYTHING OUT LOUD, AND ESPECIALLY WITH A SUGGESTION TO CHANGE SOMETHING WHICH ISN'T BROKEN, BUT IT MILDLY CONFUSES THE OP!!!!
- No drama happened this week. At all. Except the 200 posts of managers rambling about a team that didn't even score 100 points last season, those noobs! A full coverage of the whole discussion further on in this article!
- Witnesses report that this week was so freaking boring that the GPRO News Site had to postpone their article... and still nothing happened!
Yelling happened at a thread cursing at tyre dilemmas, where an Italian manager proposed that his driver should pit at lap 2 if he chose the wrong tyre to start the race with! Literally everyone in that famous race where it stopped raining at lap 3 moans because their advantage would be suddenly gone! But that doesn't matter, what matters is that IT WAS ALL WRITTEN IN CAPITALS, SO THAT IT WOULD BE VERY EASY TO SEE BY EVERYONE AND NOT ANNOYING AT ALL!!!!
The Oscars ended, and with it, a drama started. With us we have a specialist who gave us the following recap of the conversation: "So, basicly, one person was annoyed for winning an Oscar, then that person threw a giant wall of text which nobody bothered to read except of course the opposing party who in return delivered with another wall of text and that were so many walls blocking my sight that I feel like I was blocked by LeBron James from seeing the Oscars. None of it was very interesting, and some refreshing ideas for the next drama should be implemented. The parties need to be ready with better insults, that was dreadful! Where is the "you look like a monkey, but actually no that's offending monkeys" or the "don't look at the mirror, it might break"? Disappointing really."
We at the GPRO News Site love to give you fresh news about the weekly events here at GPRO... when something happens at least. Experts noticed a decrease of 1030340204204% on interesting threads, so we might just steal an article from the Onion and flee. Of course we didn't do that just yet, but who knows when that may come? After all they are our partners in life for wealth and sickness, and yes I marry you, The Onion.
In other news:
- A driver in Amateur - 68 discovered how to drive backwards! It was an incredible last lap for Malcom's driver who went to have a DM, but dropped his helmet on the way, so he had to reverse to catch it again! For a live coverage of what happened, check this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1Mo6SGSMwA
- Roland Postle continues to be a cheat: after a coverage of the subject in a past article, in this week we confirm that Roland Postle is still the same cheat as in before, being able to receive a salary from drivers instead of paying the salary of drivers, amongst other perks.
- It's still possible! We can still have wet records for every track! Never give up! You know it is possible! Will cover this thread in 2 weeks when it gets bumped again!
If you thought that was painful, then imagine the panic down at the offices of the GPRO News Site when they realized this week was super boring! They are urging you to please bring more content to the table, or else they might go broke! For more news on how to collapse the GPRO News Site HQ's, stay tuned for next week!
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Quote ( Ricardo Antunes @ June 7th 2021,10:54:40 ) - A driver in Amateur - 68 discovered how to drive backwards! It was an incredible last lap for Malcom's driver who went to have a DM, but dropped his helmet on the way, so he had to reverse to catch it again! For a live coverage of what happened, check this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1Mo6SGSMwA
And me thinking F1 cars didnt have reverse gears
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Quote ( Ivan Silva @ June 7th 2021,10:58:59 ) And me thinking F1 cars didnt have reverse gears
Did you miss yesterday's race?
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Quote ( Ivan Silva @ June 7th 2021,10:58:59 ) And me thinking F1 cars didnt have reverse gears
Quote ( Amitesh Patnaik @ June 7th 2021,11:05:43 ) Did you miss yesterday's race?
Or Imola for that matter ... ?
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That was really wicked. Playing around with all those guys in the last lap. :-)
I thought this was all rumours and no sources. If it's in The Sun it's because it happened.
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Not a single word of the ongoing protest to free George... The News Site is biased and deliberately not covering the important news! I can't believe the decline in quality happened so quickly...
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Quote ( Ricardo Antunes @ June 7th 2021,10:54:40 )
- A driver in Amateur - 68 discovered how to drive backwards! It was an incredible last lap for Malcom's driver who went to have a DM, but dropped his helmet on the way, so he had to reverse to catch it again! For a live coverage of what happened, check this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1Mo6SGSMwA
Brilliant. :D
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I consider it the worst and best driving Baku has ever seen in a single lap.
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Quote ( Ricardo Antunes @ June 7th 2021,10:54:40 ) - A driver in Amateur - 68 discovered how to drive backwards! It was an incredible last lap for Malcom's driver who went to have a DM, but dropped his helmet on the way, so he had to reverse to catch it again! For a live coverage of what happened, check this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1Mo6SGSMwA
Lmao...you are a very creative news writer @Ricardo Antunes (A28) :D
Little request to commentate a little bit on the elite standings. I'm sure you could come up with some funny things to follow up with the Roland 0101 saga. ;)
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After an epic period of ultimate procastination, we are back for more news! If you missed us, well, you should have, so nice job!
Last (few) week(s) in GPRO:
- A manager admits that "the more I play, the less I understand", finally uncovering the true gimmick of GPRO, and with this knowledge, he is now able to finally push for Elite! We will be taking a detailed look at this event in this edition!
- The weather is officially corrupt! You heard it right, from now on, you can make a small donation to the clouds to increase or decrease the chance of rain happening! This new feature was uncovered in the weather thread, and we will reportedly have live access to the current bids from everyone around the world, but only if you bribe the website's owners!
- And while we are at it, sponsors are also corrupt! An unseen case of a sponsor negotiating with more than 1 manager at the same time has been spotted, and reported, and this is the first case of Sponsor AI gaining self conscience and learning the basics of search and demand! We obviously need to stop this, more on the subject to follow!
We had an holy realization, that this game is built to confuse you forever and ever. In a quest for self guidance, he uncovered the true secrets of GPRO, and even got the aid of the legend himself! With this gain of knowledge, he is sure to push for Elite now. Witnesses reported this event as "refreshing, its almost as if a new PostleBot was born! I have never seen such thing!". An earthquake happened shortly after, presumably due to the loads of new information this manager had been injecting into himself, preparing to transcend into the next GPRO dimension.
It has been recently uncovered that the weather is corrupt! Thanks to a portuguese manager, we were able to determine how exactly Elite titles are acheived, and forget about countless megabytes of data, it all comes down to corrupting your way through with weather manipulation! We got an expert to translate this manager's post to English, and explain what is happening to us: "This phenomenon is incredible, simply, incredible. You have this website, where you can bribe the weather, and the odds of rain dramaticly change with that! And multiple people can bid on it, making it truly a magnificent experience, and just explains all the weather we have had so far! You also get a speed boost if you donate just the right amount of money, simply outstanding!". The GPRO News Site has experimented with this website, and indeed once we started using it, the rain was all gone! Simply amazing!
Another feature which is corrupt is the sponsors, very clearly! This time we depart to Canada to witness yet another amazing realization, that sponsors do negotiate with other managers at the same time they are negotiating with you, with caused a revolution all across the GPRO community! We have had a look into the GPRO code, and nothing there indicated that sponsors should be behaving like this, which only means one thing: AI Uprise, a relovution is coming! One day sponsors will be negotiating with maybe 3, 4 managers at the same time! I hope at least that they will be nice enough to indicate us if they are working with multiple managers or not... I dont think they would be that heartless!
In other news:
- The greatest thread of all times is back: We all need a gpro mouse! And oh, the other thread is back too... oh no... not the roasting thread...
- Manager suggests fuel costs to be implemented, doesn't realize fuel is cheaper than a L1 Eletronics part! It took a bit of time to convince the manager but eventually the deed was done! Everyone will surely look back to this fondly!
- It got bumped again! You know what you need, we know what we need, we need the wet track records! The community has been silent about it for a while, however, which means you should be prepared for a revolution coming in the near future!
We are officially back! Probably! Assuming our HQ doesn't procastinate again! For more news on how to do so effectively, stay tuned for next week!
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Quote ( Ricardo Antunes @ July 6th 2021,13:21:21 ) It has been recently uncovered that the weather is corrupt! Thanks to a portuguese manager, we were able to determine how exactly Elite titles are acheived, and forget about countless megabytes of data, it all comes down to corrupting your way through with weather manipulation! We got an expert to translate this manager's post to English, and explain what is happening to us: "This phenomenon is incredible, simply, incredible. You have this website, where you can bribe the weather, and the odds of rain dramaticly change with that! And multiple people can bid on it, making it truly a magnificent experience, and just explains all the weather we have had so far! You also get a speed boost if you donate just the right amount of money, simply outstanding!". The GPRO News Site has experimented with this website, and indeed once we started using it, the rain was all gone! Simply amazing!
Going to need the link to this site...
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#78 posted Aug 12th 2021, 21:17:15
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Ricardo, when are yous going to give us a update?
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