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Topic: Puns & Oneliners |
29 replies
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#1 posted Nov 5th 2010, 16:27:36
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#3 posted Nov 5th 2010, 16:34:04
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I love puns! I was thinking of doing a thread like this yesterday. I was listening to Radio 5-Live yesterday and they were interviewing a guy who worked for The Sun, talking about how they come with the headlines.
My favourite was from the 80s during Thatcher's time as Prime Minister. The tories were axing a lot of government Quangos (sort of advisory bodies I believe) and it had something to do with Wales.
The headline read "Last Quango in Powys"
Genius :)
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#4 posted Nov 5th 2010, 16:36:32
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Venison's dear, isn't it?
- 2nd Shortest Joke Ever. So what is the shortest?
Daniel Bassett.
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#5 posted Nov 5th 2010, 16:39:44
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Demetri Martin is good for a one-liner. Here are a few:
Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize.’ Except at a funeral.
Some jokes are short and elegant, like a mathematical proof or a midget in a ballgown.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.
Not really based on puns though. . .
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#6 posted Nov 5th 2010, 16:42:43
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Quote ( Alan Tansley @ November 5th 2010,16:39:44 )
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.
I remember that joke in a video by a comedian who sang... Forgot his name....
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#7 posted Nov 5th 2010, 16:43:51
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Quote ( Jun Ho @ November 5th 2010,16:42:43 )
I remember that joke in a video by a comedian who sang... Forgot his name.... Quote ( Alan Tansley @ November 5th 2010,16:39:44 )
Demetri Martin is good for a one-liner.
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#8 posted Nov 5th 2010, 16:44:56
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Congratulations for 1000 posts beardface. Forgot his name....
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#9 posted Nov 5th 2010, 16:46:45
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Quote ( Santtu Sara @ November 5th 2010,16:44:56 )
Forgot his name....
Brian Blessed
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Quote ( Santtu Sara @ November 5th 2010,16:44:56 )
Congratulations for 1000 posts beardface. Forgot his name.... Bud Spencer :P
Alan Tansley
(Group Amateur - 8)
Posts: 1000
Congrats!! :P
I'm halfway through
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Quote ( Dominik Karda @ November 5th 2010,16:47:06 )
Alan Tansley
(Group Amateur - 8)
Posts: 1000
Dammit, that was a pathetic 1000th post.
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Quote ( Alan Tansley @ November 5th 2010,16:49:49 )
Dammit, that was a pathetic 1000th post. :P
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some husband & wife short jokes :
- If being married teaches you one thing, it's thinking long enough over the words you eventually don't say.
- My wife says I never listen to her. At least, that's what I think she said.
- A shrink asks you a lot of expensive questions that your wife asks for free.
- Men talk to women to sleep with them, while women sleep with men to talk to them.
- If your husband has trouble falling asleep, just whisper "I feel we should discuss our relationship."
- If you want to impress other women, just tell them what you don't want other men to tell your wife.
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Statistically speaking 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy ;-)
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5/4 of the wrold's population don't understand fractions
83% of statistics are made up
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I wanna have on the beach....
LOL jks that's how you get crabs.
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got to love
Verydemotivational.com
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I went on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday last year. I tell you what, never again.
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#20 posted Oct 11th 2011, 00:51:09
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How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way.
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Slept at a hotel, the pillows and sheets were in a wardrobe- Worst night sleep i ever had!
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
I dressed up as a Mall Santa, had a kid on my lap, asked me if i could cure his cancer. So i blew him up, No more cancer.
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#22 posted Oct 11th 2011, 01:08:25
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There is only 10 kinds of people out there in the world, ones that know binary, and the ones that don't....
old "punny" math joke
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#23 posted Oct 11th 2011, 01:43:21 (last edited Oct 11th 2011, 01:54:16 by Rui Morais)
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Polar bears enjoy cold weather. Bipolar bears, some days they do, some days they don't...
Me and my wife, we were happy for 20 years... then we met.
If knocking on wood protected you from bad luck, the woodpecker wouldn't be an endangered species.
I've started a diet. cut the beer and the junk food and, in just 15 days I have lost 2 weeks.
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#24 posted Oct 11th 2011, 02:57:45
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Quote ( Alan Tansley @ November 5th 2010,16:34:04 )
Quangos (sort of advisory bodies I believe)
Quasi-autonomous non-governmental organizations. (Thanks to that brilliant BBC comedy "Yes, Minister" for that one.)
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#25 posted Oct 23rd 2020, 19:06:45
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What's the slowest month on the calendar?
0CTober
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#26 posted Oct 23rd 2020, 21:31:19
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At the unofficial English GPRO Meeting this joke just got a spontaneous round of applause - bravo sir :)
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#27 posted Oct 23rd 2020, 21:57:08
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Gutted we couldn't be there but take care of my 2 guys ( The Laundy's).... don't tell the big one but he didn't win lol
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#28 posted Oct 23rd 2020, 21:58:56
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Quote ( Brad Park @ October 23rd 2020,21:57:08 ) don't tell the big one but he didn't win lol
Oh, what have you done now?! 😶
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#29 posted Oct 23rd 2020, 21:59:43
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Quote ( Brad Park @ October 23rd 2020,21:57:08 ) Gutted we couldn't be there but take care of my 2 guys ( The Laundy's).... don't tell the big one but he didn't win lol
He knows /o\
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#30 posted Oct 23rd 2020, 22:09:38
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Quote ( Brad Marshall @ October 23rd 2020,19:06:45 ) What's the slowest month on the calendar?
0CTober
This is just beautiful. Well done!
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