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Author Topic: Loneliness 29 replies
Stuart Foster
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Old post #1 posted Oct 17th 2020, 22:06:09 Quote 
I did a forum search for this very word in 2020 and it returned two results, one from the song game and the other from a Mafia game.

So, then, I guess I am the only one either thinking it or feeling it. I look around the managers online tab though, and with it being a Saturday, I wonder to myself if that is a true reflection or if people (men) are just too scared to talk about anything in case it knocks the macho out of them. I just wondered how weird I actually was. I mean, the thing I don't get, I am quite happy in my own company, probably most of the time in fairness. But at weekends, especially on a Saturday, I feel different.

The weekday routine is great for me as I really love knowing where I am and where I am going on a daily basis. But at weekends, and this might be an embarrassing thing to talk about I feel quite lost most of the time, except when i'm infront of this freaking screen. Yet nobody around here is thinking or feeling the same shit as me. They're certainly not talking about it if they are. Ok, that might be a lie, I occasionally send pm's to Josh about stuff like this. Probably one of a few people I think I could be like that with in an online environment. Actually I think I could say things to him that I'd only otherwise say to the one person in my life I call a proper friend. That being someone you could tell anything to - facebook friends and 'mates' are not actual friends after all. Real friends you strike up a relationship with where you are able to reveal most of your inner thoughts. People like that you will never count on more than one hand at most.

I've lived alone though for a hell of a long time. I wonder if I'll just stay stuck like that. I mean, it's not like I cry about it. Though, when I stand up there and look down on my life when the almighty nothing that exists in the ether asks me how I think I managed the hand I was dealt, I'd probably say I should have done much better with my time. So, I look at my existence and think how and where to start improving it. I've no idea how to. I think my problem is being content with routine cos i'm freaking stuck in some kind of something. Some people say life isn't fair, but I disagree, cos its down to each of us to actually go out there and seek what we want. But that's always been my issue in life, I've no idea what I want or where i'm going. And so another decade goes by.

Meh, I should probably keep stuff like this for a diary you might say, but then what's the point in that? Nobody is caring about it or engaging with it. I often thought about joining a running club since I run 4 or 5 times a week. Or a walking club cos I also enjoy that. Or maybe trying some online dating and seeing how that goes. But each time I think about it, I end up back where I started in my head. Probably the problem with being a bit of a loner and happy about it (I mean, you have to be to admit to it, right?). Its weird though, I'm not unhappy with life itself, but I definitely feel lonely.

And this is just the third time in 2020 that anyone uttered the word loneliness throughout the forum. So, I guess I really am alone. But not drunk! Maybe I should be...








Jun Ho
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Old post #2 posted Oct 17th 2020, 22:10:52 Quote 
Hey, I have been living pretty much alone throughout my life. I have my mum, but that's about it for me. I am lucky that I have a friend I met in 2012 back in Bristol that I can talk to if I ever feel the need to.

You are never alone here Stu. You have a fair few people that would care about you over here, including me :)

Hey, if you are free this weekend coming (23rd-25th), let me know if you wanna meet up! I got me and a few of the GPRO boys up for a weekend out to watch the F1. Would be cool if you join us too :)

But yeah, never feel as though you are alone. I have always thought that myself, but there are definitely people who care about you and would talk about this stuff :)
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Old post #3 posted Oct 17th 2020, 22:21:39 Quote 
This thread is already too sad... We're a family and you're part of this family Stu :)
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Old post #4 posted Oct 17th 2020, 22:24:36 Quote 
Hi Stuart,

I understand completely what you're going through. From Jan-Jun this year I was working in Dublin and as soon as I was on my feet after meeting new people Covid happened and all of a sudden I was spending all my days alone in my apartment (for the first 4 months we could not leave our apartments only for essential reasons). The weekdays were fine because I was working 60/70 hrs a week but weekends were torture. No nightclubs, no sports, no hanging out with friends, no church etc. Really does a number on your mental health.

Of course things got better after a while. Lockdown gradually lifted and I could do more and now I'm back in my hometown with my family. I have advice for you though:
--Join that walking/running club. You don't know if you will enjoy it unless you try it.
-- Leave your home to get excersise and relax at least once a day. Even if only 15/20 minutes to walk around your estate.
-- Take care of what you eat/drink. Ensure you get enough sleep.
--Lay off the alcohol, cigarettes, drugs or any other vices. You'll be amazed at how crap you feel when you abuse them and how great you'll feel when you're off them.

This point is probably the most important. If you're feeling unhappy and you feel you might harm yourself please contact somebody. This is not something to be taken as a joke. There are plenty of services in the UK that can be found online and in person. No matter what you do it is imperative that you take care of yourself. It means too much to you and your family/friends.

II don't know your situation, I can't give you tonnes of advice specific for you. Please DM if you would like to discuss and of the above or if you just want to chat. Because I know how you felt I hope I'll be able to help Stuart.

Enjoy your Saturday.
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Old post #5 posted Oct 17th 2020, 22:25:29 Quote 
Listen, I'm here if you need anything, OK? We live in dark times and mostly being online doesn't help. There are a lot of exaggerated emotions and you can be made to feel like you don't belong really easily if you don't agree with people.


Probably not a good idea to try online dating though. Let's just say when I tried it ended badly.
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Old post #6 posted Oct 17th 2020, 22:30:53 Quote 
Quote ( Jun Ho @ October 17th 2020,22:10:52 )

You are never alone here Stu. You have a fair few people that would care about you over here, including me :)


This.

Quote ( Jun Ho @ October 17th 2020,22:10:52 )

Hey, if you are free this weekend coming (23rd-25th), let me know if you wanna meet up! I got me and a few of the GPRO boys up for a weekend out to watch the F1. Would be cool if you join us too :)


Also this!

Stu mate - you're a cracking guy (from what I've seen come through your computer screen) and you should do what makes you happy. Don't get in your own way when it comes to that, though by the same token - if spending most of your days alone makes you happy then go for it, own it and enjoy it! If you'd rather spend more of your time with people (COVID restrictions etc. applying...) then I'd highly recommend that though.

You only get 1 life - it's too short to not do what you love with it :)

Quote ( Cameron Halsall @ October 17th 2020,22:25:29 )

Probably not a good idea to try online dating though. Let's just say when I tried it ended badly.


I mean...I met my wife through Plenty of Fish, so not convinced that advice is necessarily the most constructive?

What I would definitely say (and this is not directed at anyone in particular) is that before anyone does online dating they need to be prepared for rejection and they need to have a strong idea of who they themselves are and what they are looking for in a partner...!
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Old post #7 posted Oct 17th 2020, 22:32:01 Quote 
Quote ( Jonathan Beagles @ October 17th 2020,22:30:53 )

I mean...I met my wife through Plenty of Fish, so not convinced that advice is necessarily the most constructive?


I think that was a joke, like the one where he hates Scots. :)
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Old post #8 posted Oct 17th 2020, 22:33:18 (last edited Oct 17th 2020, 22:34:41 by Cameron Halsall) Quote 
Well it was probably fine a few years ago, now these sites are just saturated with people who are either desperate or fickle. Like honestly, dating sites are just a waste of time nowadays. It's not the rejections I hate, just the stupid and sometimes downright rude ways people try and end off the conversation.
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Old post #9 posted Oct 17th 2020, 22:38:09 Quote 
Quote ( Jonathan Beagles @ October 17th 2020,22:30:53 )

I mean...I met my wife through Plenty of Fish, so not convinced that advice is necessarily the most constructive?


Agree.

----

I'm not sure where you live or what the covid circumstances are Stuart but let me use this as an example, hopefully it matches your circumstance. I live near a beach area and so I bought a jetski. I then joined a Facebook group for jetskis in my local area, got familiar with the group for a while and then just made a post saying 'I'm going to this location at this time if anyone wants to come you're welcome' ... a dozen people came to it.

What I'm trying to say is you can easily use the online world you're sending this message out to get out and socialise, make good friends and I hope you will find the woman of your dreams too.



And in this closed off pandemic environment with lacking sun, etc, keeping your testosterone levels high or improving them is important so look into how to (naturally) get on top of all that too.



Good luck mate, you've always been a fantastic guy to hear from since I've seen you posting and many people respect you here so go out and get the same in the reality :))))
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Old post #10 posted Oct 18th 2020, 00:18:01 Quote 
Quote ( Stuart Foster @ October 17th 2020,22:06:09 )

I guess I really am alone. But not drunk! Maybe I should be...


:)

I imagine many people feel alone at the minute, you’re certainly not on your own in that sense. Some physically, some emotionally. You could have tonnes of friends, always have people around you and still feel totally alone and isolated with your emotions. Having friends you can go to is one thing, but having them understand you is another. While being physically alone, will obviously make you feel detached when the reality is probably that people out there would listen, would help and would understand but being physically apart means you’re out of sight and out of sight in many senses.

Never be afraid to reach out to people, but don’t feel limited in who you reach out to. Think of it as being underwater, if you reach out of the water it’s likely someone you know will grab it, but they won’t necessarily be the person who can pull you to the surface. sometimes it’s an unlikely hand who grabs on, and they’ll grab on hard and pull you out the water. That’s the beauty of it.

i imagine there’s a lot of people on GPRO who are dealing with things, but the majority probably don’t want to be the one who open up discussion about such matters. For me the last 6 months have been a shit show to say the least, my life was taken out of my control by someone and they left me in a position of isolation and uncertainty. On a public forum like GPRO, I don’t wish to go deeper, especially with my full name attached as this is the kind of thing the person will find and use. But GPRO was my distraction and in some ways still is, the shit didn’t continue onto here, if everything was going wrong I’d just log onto GPRO, read the forums grab a beer play a silly game or something and forget about it, it wasn’t the best way to deal with it but it worked, I was lucky I had one loyal friend who stuck by me through the rough bits and helped the situation massively, but many don’t have someone like that. I’m always around for anyone going through something to message me and I’ll do all I can. But similarly, with life issues it’s difficult to help unless you’ve had a similar experience and if you rely on someone who doesn’t understand the situation sometimes it can end up worsening the situation. I can speak from experience, I’ve lost some good friends from mental health relatively recently and I hold my hands up and admit my own immaturity and lack of understanding With one of them was the hammer blow to them. So to anyone still reading, if you’re struggling please reach out. If someone has reached out to you, don’t feel forced to be the superhero, if you can’t help them, work with them to find them someone who can. But nobody should be left to feel alone both physically and mentally.
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Old post #11 posted Oct 18th 2020, 10:10:30 Quote 
I doubt you are alone in being lonely. I have never had real friends, but earlier it didn't really bother me. But I have started to realise that my parents are going to die, probably quite soon, and then I will be really alone. And also, now that I have a job, I see "normal" people there and hear about their weekends, I have started to miss that.

But I totally lack people skills, and I feel like I'm a pathetic weird nerd who no one can possibly be interested in. And I have no idea what I want from my life, so I have no idea where to start and how. And I'm really good at postponing things, so I probably won't start at all.
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Old post #12 posted Oct 18th 2020, 11:37:13 (last edited Oct 18th 2020, 11:38:56 by Luke Frost) Quote 
Quote ( Jukka Sireni @ October 18th 2020,10:10:30 )

But I totally lack people skills, and I feel like I'm a pathetic weird nerd who no one can possibly be interested in. And I have no idea what I want from my life, so I have no idea where to start and how. And I'm really good at postponing things, so I probably won't start at all.


It was quite hard to read that Jukka. I hope you're ok mate.
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Old post #13 posted Oct 18th 2020, 12:02:09 Quote 
At all: weird nerds are the most interesting people to be honest. Those who only do mainstream are often boring and predictable.
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Old post #14 posted Oct 18th 2020, 12:10:36 Quote 
Likewise, hope that you're doing ok Jukka (as I do with everyone who has posted in this thread). The key is to start small - some ideas for anyone that is interested below:

Quote ( Jukka Sireni @ October 18th 2020,10:10:30 )

I have no idea what I want from my life, so I have no idea where to start and how.


It's almost impossible for anyone to give really specific to advice to people on here, as they won't know enough about you/your circumstances etc. to be able to give anything that's really tailored to your own world. So apologies in advance if this comes across a little generic...but Jukka/Stu/anyone else who isn't sure what they want from life or wants to find more of a purpose, I have read about this tool being really useful to help figure stuff out:

https://inside.6q.io/guide-to-ikigai/

It's a Japanese philosophy that's all about figuring out what to do with your life. It works by considering several key factors, which you answer 4 sets of questions to figure out. Likely takes about 20-30 minutes but it could be a really helpful 1st step, as you can then start to make small changes that lead up

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Otherwise, something that I did a few years back that had a huge impact for me was 'Life Coaching'. While there's a lot of bollocks that can go on with that sort of thing, one exercise really stuck with me and is one I have revisited since:

https://medium.com/@chengeerlee/wheel-of-life-a-self-assessm...

This works by considering all the factors that lead to happiness and getting you to self-assess how you rate yourself in each sector. The idea is that you can then see visually exactly what areas you need to improve your life in and make small changes to improve your life.
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Old post #15 posted Oct 18th 2020, 12:27:22 Quote 
Quote ( Luke Frost @ October 18th 2020,11:37:13 )

It was quite hard to read that Jukka. I hope you're ok mate.


Yes, I am. And I'm seeing a therapist every month, so if things start to go worse, then maybe they don't go too bad this time.

I tend to be overly harsh at myself, but I doubt there will be a solution for that. But it's not really helping.

There is also a GPRO related twist. When I started playing, I was actaully surprisingly modest in my targets. I thought that maybe I get to Master or something. But then I eventually was amongst the best (even though my titles were a fluke), so now I think of every potential hobby or other thing that can I be as good in it.
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Old post #16 posted Oct 18th 2020, 12:33:19 Quote 
Quote ( Jukka Sireni @ October 18th 2020,10:10:30 )

But I totally lack people skills, and I feel like I'm a pathetic weird nerd who no one can possibly be interested in.


You sell yourself very short with that assessment, Jukka. I think I can guarantee that nobody on this site thinks you’re pathetic or weird. You have a huge amount of respect within the GPRO community, and a lot of people were very happy to see your virtual face appear again recently. I hope you can stick around :)
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Old post #17 posted Oct 18th 2020, 12:39:07 (last edited Oct 18th 2020, 12:41:33 by Luke Frost) Quote 
I'm happy to hear you've got the right philosophy.


Anyone who knew me in the community last time (hey hey hey I'm going somewhere with this :P) should know there was a few issues behind all the erratic behaviour. I don't wanna go into it as this is a public forum, but I can say that I have now gotten out of a really bad slump and travelled to over a dozen different countries, made hundreds of new friends by physically socialising, and just changed everything about my life.


This quote was honestly a catalyst which started the momentum. I literally cried angry tears, angry at myself for not realising what kind of gift I had provided myself and just launched out into the world and put maximum effort into everything. And guess what maximum effort give me? Not always maximum return.....but Always more results than sitting home and telling myself I'm too <insert self hating description> to do it at all. ALWAYS. .... :


"If someone told me that I could live my life again free of depression provided I was willing to give up the gifts depression has given me--the depth of awareness, the expanded consciousness, the increased sensitivity, the awareness of limitation, the tenderness of love, the meaning of friendship, the apreciation of life, the joy of a passionate heart--I would say, 'This is a Faustian bargain! Give me my depressions. Let the darkness descend. But do not take away the gifts that depression, with the help of some unseen hand, has dredged up from the deep ocean of my soul and strewn along the shores of my life. I can endure darkness if I must; but I cannot live without these gifts. I cannot live without my soul.'" ~ David N. Elkins, Beyond Religion


I've read the quote hundreds of times over the years and it gets a similar reaction because it leads me to the belief I wasted most of my 20s looking for excuses to cause my own negativity
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Old post #18 posted Oct 18th 2020, 12:41:17 Quote 
I agree with Max here. I just re-read the Bye thread where you said your goodbyes there, and over 40 managers have expressed their sadness that you have left the game. There are definitely a lot of people that are interested in you, and seeing you on the site. Never feel as though you are worthless! There will only be 1 of you, and that is what makes you unique and amazing :)
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Old post #19 posted Oct 18th 2020, 13:35:10 (last edited Oct 18th 2020, 14:05:14 by Amitesh Patnaik) Quote 
Loneliness is something I have struggled with for years now.

It wasn't always like this.
As teenager, I was pretty popular, I had formed a group with people who had similar values at school and gathered all the kids in the society to meet up to play various sports activities.
It all started when I once proposed to a girl I liked (at 13), she responded with "I feel like puking." And it motivated me to act more "cool". Probably was having the time of my life.
The thing with acting is that you can only do it for a while, after a while one starts to crack.
Two years later, the very group decided to vote if they wanted to allow me to join them, with most of the original members no longer around, a new kid had become more popular and he wanted us older kids out, I was kicked out from joining them on the playground ever again...
I cried a lot, and isolated myself. After all, as an introvert, I was more comfortable alone.

A few years later, I was now in college. New place, new people, new friends. But by the end of the first semester, I was alone again, this time due to a difference in values and priorities from the group (and my strong stance against politics wasn't appreciated).
Initially, it was easy to say "Alone but not Lonely". I kept myself busy with forming my college's first SAE Baja team, various personality tests to understand myself, reading self help books along with some vices. But things got worse because everyone around me had a group or friends with history and stories that I could not relate to. I started feeling like an outcast everywhere.
It made me realize one thing, my idea of finding connection was wrong, it was heavily influenced by the social media life of my friends who had a very superficial way of looking at friendship...
Realization is one thing, working on it is another, after a year and a half, I started building bonds again. Not many just a few, but this time with very few people, I wanted to make bonds that last. Quality of friendship was the first priority this time, deep emotional connections where we understood each other...

Even such deep connections may fail, like my ex who was busy demanding for my time or else would turn to self harm during one of the most stressful periods of the lockdown, but this time I had those few people to talk to give me the support I needed. And I do the same for them. The thing with deep connections is that, it feels very satisfying when we help each, there's a level of trust that cannot be quantified... Even a text from them can make my day.
This is what suited me the most... A few good friends are what I truly ever needed, nothing more... :)

And I hope you find what you truly need...

Edit: I'm regretting this post already, but I hope the my experience is insightful for someone...
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Old post #20 posted Oct 18th 2020, 19:59:52 Quote 
This thread is a gem.

How many people are taught they should just toughen up when they have a problem? It's not common (yet) to talk freely about your mental health, but it's so damn important!

I've been struggling with depression for years, burnout making it worse, but I'm on my way back. Ups and downs, and it's a struggle to keep the downs from escalating. I'm very lucky to have my family as a support system.

Loneliness can be a big problem for someone, especially with other issues. You need other people to keep you grounded and show you perspectives you couldn't possibly think of on your own.
Reaching out on a forum, like this, is a brave and hopeful step! It makes me happy to see anyone actually opening up like this. Kudos!
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Old post #21 posted Oct 18th 2020, 20:53:05 Quote 
Quote ( Stuart Foster @ October 17th 2020,22:06:09 )

I often thought about joining a running club since I run 4 or 5 times a week. Or a walking club cos I also enjoy that.


I think you should definitely try joining them, as those communities don't usually oblige you to do much, except maybe paying a membership fee. It simply enables you to find like-minded people you can either talk to, or do something together every once in a while. And you can opt out at any time if you don't like it. But nowadays it seems that the most difficult thing about doing something new or talking to new people is finding the motivation.

I am currently at a situation where the number of people I actively communicate with has decreased several times in the last 18 months, mostly due to factors that were outside my control. Covid has had a smaller effect on me than others probably, as I've only felt it since I started my studies at university this September.
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Old post #22 posted Oct 18th 2020, 23:07:23 Quote 
We're all normal people who are caught up in the daily rush of life. And now (at least for the people who live in my country) our goal in life is just to do our day jobs. We forget our loneliness in the rush of work on weekdays. But when the weekend comes, when we are alone with ourselves, we say "hello" to our loneliness.
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Old post #23 posted Oct 18th 2020, 23:51:45 Quote 
I can't read this thread and not say something even if it doesn't help.

Stuart, Jukka, and anyone else who needs to talk, we should set up a chat group. The thing I always wish I have when I'm down is someone who knows how it feels, who can listen and not judge and someone who can cheer me up. As a race we all need to help each other, I might need someones help and someone might need mine, so I see it's a fair trade :)

I've been a loner since university ended. My friends couldn't be bothered to stay in touch, and went and made new friends. I ended up as an outsourced consultant, and my customer company's employees treated me as an outsider, a salesman, so I never made new friends. The only friend I did make was a fellow car enthusiast a short walk down the road, but in 5 years I only got to go to his social events, come to his place for games nights, and do what he wanted to do. He made it clear he had pity for me, not wanting to go the extra mile (or an extra inch) to make sure I'm ok. I even supported him through alcoholism and depression but he didn't care back.

I was so alone I left town, moved to HQ at work. Then I found myself even more alone. I lived in a village full of retirement folk, snobbish and devout Christians. I was made to feel like an outsider from the off. The new friends I made at work were little use to me, since our office is in the middle of nowhere and they all commute 20-40 miles to work. So I settled into eating myself fat, food was great comfort, and I spent weekends writing tools for GPRO to have something to do. On some weekends I was in bed for 24 / 48 hrs... it was better to just keep having epic dreams than face the boredom.

Now I own my own house, a big 3 bedroom place in a rural village. I didnt want to live here, I wanted to move to a city, but I couldn't afford the prices. I have 1 friend, but I dont talk to him about my problems because he has £5 in the bank, thats more than 1000x less than me, he has crippling disabilities and COVID took his job. So me with my fancy car and house saying I'm sad will just piss him off.

I realised how alone I was last year when on my birthday I was admitted to hospital with kidney stones. I posted on facebook but literally no one responded or asked if I'm ok. I had no friends come to visit, just my parents, who, I dont get on with at all.

Anyway, I'm not looking for sympathy at all, I know what my situation is. Saturdays are also my least favorite day @Stuart Foster (A49); in fact I keep myself busy at work and with commitments to try to cover up the lack of anything else. I also totally get how annoying it is having loads of "friends" who are just names on screens; if we count those I have a hundred. But people to have a pint with, lark around with, like...1 (or to be more accurate, this is GPRO, 0.75 rounding up to 1)
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Old post #24 posted Oct 19th 2020, 00:35:34 Quote 
Quote ( Jukka Sireni @ October 18th 2020,10:10:30 )

I doubt you are alone in being lonely. I have never had real friends, but earlier it didn't really bother me. But I have started to realise that my parents are going to die, probably quite soon, and then I will be really alone. And also, now that I have a job, I see "normal" people there and hear about their weekends, I have started to miss that.


I'm double posting just because this is a separate thing I wanted to reply to. I fear losing my family too, it scares me the most that I'm the last of my family tree and if I reach 70 I will be surrounded by grave stones. I actually hate my parents but the rest of my family are all role models to me, and it comforts me to know how proud I'm making them with the lifestyle I've earned for myself. I'm scared I will die alone in a mansion, the CEO of the company, but only knowing acquaintances.

I'll post this as openly as I can, its the time for it. In the height of depression I get jealous of people around me. I get jealous of the supermarket worker having a mcdonalds with his mate, I get jealous of the guy with the ugly girlfriend walking towards me. I wouldn't wish ill to any of them, just that I'd trade everything to be them

Sorry this doesn't help, I only really know how to cheer people up in real life over a beer by talking complete bollocks and barraging them with dad jokes xD
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Old post #25 posted Oct 19th 2020, 00:38:55 Quote 
A difficult topic to give advice.
According to the great philosopher Teilhard de Chardin,
no man (human, politically correct) is an island.
Here, in the GPRO forum, we can, in part, prove it.
I am 71 years old. My life experiences would only serve me.
So, I would say, keep talking to us. I believe it will reduce loneliness and seek a goal (for example: walking / running) and try to achieve it. If you change your mind, remember: "the way back is usually a new way".
And you Juka, don't be so hard on yourself.
I hope I made myself understood.
We are together on this journey, called life.
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Old post #26 posted Oct 19th 2020, 03:53:02 Quote 
I've been thinking a lot about writing here but, as Chris said, I can't read this and not say anything.

I won't go too deep into my own problems (nothing related to shame, I don't think mental health is something to be ashamed of and I do think is important to talk about it) but altough I have some good friends I know how it feels being on my own. I don't have a better advice than those already wrote in the previous posts but I just wanted to say that none of you are alone in this. And damn, I don't think I've ever felt so proud of this community.
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Old post #27 posted Oct 19th 2020, 04:28:25 (last edited Oct 19th 2020, 04:52:36 by Florencia Caro) Quote 
A few things;

Seeing someone isn't a bad idea :) It's easy to get in a rut - having someone to talk to about it is not a bad thing.

Also, always here if you need to chat - you can hit me up on discord, on here, anyway... would love to chat :)

Mod Edit: Religious content removed
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Old post #28 posted Oct 19th 2020, 20:23:19 Quote 
Stu,

At the moment you're stuck inside your own comfort zone, and maybe you have been for years, but the key is to understand why. Your routine at the moment isn't necessarily a negative, as you seem quite happy, but I would definitely try and make an effort to join those clubs on a weekend that you have an interest in, even if it's just to meet new people. If you're an introvert, you will find the odd person/people who you are happy to spend time with and talk to - it's almost like they give you an energy boost - which may eventually lead you to leaving your comfort zone more often to do other things if you enjoy yourself.

Back to the "understanding why" comment. It took me more years than I'd like to admit for me to realise that I've had social anxiety since well before my teenage years. It's an ongoing joke amongst people I drink with that I panic whenever I leave my own postcode. I've had barstaff shout out my name as I walk past, or even a room full of people singing happy birthday every time I walk in the room, knowing I'll react awkwardly. It's never said or done maliciously, though, so I tend to be fine with it.

You might be similar after reading your "weekday routine" comment, which is why I would encourage you to go and join those clubs. If you hate it, then fair enough, but it's important to give it a try at least. (I went to Scotland the once with some guys from GPRO and I think I was in a bit of a daze all weekend, but I would go again).

This is a good thread for everybody. There shouldn't be any shame in being open with your feelings. For the most part you probs feel that people don't care, or you try not to burden others with your own problems when they have their own to go through. It's always good to be open and listen to what others have to say instead, whether or not you agree with them, because when the only voice you listen to each day is your own (and even more so with the lockdown), usually it's harsh or self-critical.

TL;DR - get out more
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Old post #29 posted Oct 20th 2020, 23:00:26 Quote 
@Stuart Foster (A49) - Checking in on ya :) How ya doing??
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Old post #30 posted Oct 21st 2020, 00:11:09 Quote 
So many replies, thanks ever so much to all who took the time - some of you a lot of time - to do so. Its quite hard to explain it cos the general reaction to someone who is lonely is one who is or might be unhappy/miserable/depressed. I am not, at least not to any extent that is not normal in these uncertain times right now. The problems I face on a daily basis seem to be linked to this contentment I feel to routine, and activities that are solitary. I don't disagree that it is unhealthy, but for me, the only way I can describe is that there's a brick wall in front of me when faced with new challenges or a change of scenery/direction in life ... any change I think ...

I think I will look at the advices and try to make small steps as some mentioned. A few small changes at a time I think will be good. I am very much like what Jukka mentioned about procrastination ... Mañana.


Quote ( Gary Mullins @ October 19th 2020,20:23:19 )

It's always good to be open and listen to what others have to say instead, whether or not you agree with them, because when the only voice you listen to each day is your own (and even more so with the lockdown), usually it's harsh or self-critical.


I think this was the most thought provoking thing, because it has been most helpful to hear and read about other people's experiences and thoughts. It has made me feel less 'odd' at least knowing I'm not the only person who feels somewhat out of kilter in their existence. I only didn't reply in the topic til now because of the volume of information to digest. So, I thank you all, particularly those who took time to either reply personally or within the thread. I am ok though!




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